I Don't Give A DAMN!

This week I got into a flow. And it was extremely scary for me.

I am someone who likes to be in control of every aspect of my life—as much as possible. But this week… I said f*** it.

I just…

I don’t give a DAMN!

In every moment that showed up last week, it felt like I was being tested—invited to practice this very mantra that I was screaming at the top of my lungs in my head.

A colleague rushing toward me with stress written all over every drop of sweat…I don’t give a DAMN!

Someone on public transit having what felt like a moment of complete insanity…I don’t give a DAMN!

Someone at the grocery store blocking the entire lane with their cart…I don’t give a DAMN!

And with every moment, I could feel it happening. My shoulders dropped. My heart rate slowed. My mind became clearer.

And that was it.

It became clear to me that what other people have going on is none of my business. I am in charge of myself. I get to respond… instead of react. To many of you, this might feel obvious. Like, “well, duh.”

Why is this blog-worthy? For me… this is kind of a big deal.

If you are someone who lives with anxiety—or anything adjacent—you know that even the smallest shifts are massive in the journey toward health.

So naturally, I started asking:

How does this show up in my art?

I began applying the same mantra to my creative practice.

Not having the perfect studio setup…I don’t give a DAMN!

Not having the ideal rehearsal space…I don’t give a DAMN!

Not having enough time to perfect every single detail running through my mind…I don’t give a DAMN!

With every “I don’t give a damn” directed at what didn’t matter… the things that did matter became clearer. I realized that I actually do give a damn about my colleague who is stressed—and I can show up for them with calm. I do give a damn about the person on the bus—because I am only a few seconds away from being in the same state. So I offer grace. I do give a damn about my collaborators—and the possibility of creating something honest together.

The more I said “I don’t give a damn” to what didn’t matter…the more I could give a damn about what does.

So this week, in my practice, I am choosing to give a damn about different things.

I am going to give a damn about slowing down when I wake up.

I am going to give a damn about spending time with my God.

I am going to give a damn about saying no to worry.

And the list. goes. on.

This is big for me.

I am proud of me.

All love,

Dr. Nkululeko Zungu